long way from happy

as i write this i am listening to a song by pink its called long way from happy. i have always thought that a big bit of small can make a small bit of big and the small pieces of niceness brought me up so high i felt special and happy it felt like i was going to the light like in a movie when the hero is about to come back to life but he or she is smiling as they go in to the light until they get saved by someone but you have no idea what is going through their head you don’t know if they are thinking thank god or i wonder if it would have been better if i had gone to the light.

i guess that i had liked the small piece of kindness too much and now i feel out of place like i want those small words of kindness back like it’s been stolen. i know my mother then she will say that i’m being dramatic and she is probably right but just because she is right it doesn’t mean the feeling is not there because i know its there. i feel it.

drama, halloween and niceness in the most unusual places

Drama well nothing really dramatic happened in drama except geeky grew boobs and put a balloon up his dress to make him have a pot belly (we were doing the Cinderella play and he was one of the ugly step sisters). It was kind of creepy but he was rather funny too. Gary the guard played by cheek ran out of the classroom and got in huge trouble. It was kind of funny but when we giggled she ran around trying to catch us.We learnt 1 thing never giggle at cheek ever again.

And halloween well i asked mum if we were going to go get some costumes for halloween i’m going trick or treating with dodo and lily and little H is going to freak if she doesn’t get a costume so I got a six year old to back me up.

And I guess that it was JJ that really put a spark in my day. First he comments on my hat then we get in to a really good talk and he told me that he was an only child and it sometimes got really lonely and i told him even with two sisters myself its not as fun as it looks. but I know where he is coming from its like asking for a lolly and then getting really fat (this happened to big D then she got a yes from mum but then she had to stop eating now she is way better its a real be careful what you wish for moment). The world was really nice when i was putting on my footman jacket on he was really quiet then i said your being quiet and kind of scary he said he was fine and a unsteady smile spread across his face and i know he was rather unsteady but he was really nice which i think is a good thing in any angle you look at it from, but maybe if he was a spy from some guy trying to kill me.

in a mime prison

ive got myself stuck like a mime in a box. i have a way out and i can’t take it.

MM is an insecure boy and has worked up the popularity ladder a lot lately and is really being a jerk to everyone even his friends. the way i see it he’s done all this work to get popular now he wants to make changes but if he speaks up then he will go down in the popularity meter.

i’m really trying to think out what all these mood swings are about because last term he was helping me with science now he is telling me about the things he hates about me. i wonder if he did the nice things because he was just trying to make bob dylan angry and jealous  (they were having a fight but i don’t want to believe that because i like him and think he is a fine boy but ive got to admit he’s acting like a total jerk but no body will speak up about it).

i don’t want to see that MM is just one of those idiots from the other school but i feel really bad

what are they thinking ?

a couple of days ago i found out about the new suburb and i am not happy. i hate it. i used to play in the waste grounds now its basically fences and barb wire. hell for me to watch my little hide out disappear.  i played there for 3 years and its being whipped away in a second. i want to protest but unfortunately nobody really agrees with me not enough to do anything.

i feel like all the small town things can’t be done anymore. me and barbra went on a walk and saw all the view on the path had been made in to fences fences and more fences  


MM kills is that in the afternoon MM drives me totally with questions like do you really like like bob dylan and to every one of these stupid questions i answered why would i tell you why would i tell you killer time

the whole day dodo was reading reading reading she didn’t talk all she did was read i drove everyone mad(so many madding people today )she was reading mary queen of scots dead famous don’t ask me why though

today Romana was mad  she was insane (ok now i think i’m going mad hahahahahahahahhaah i’m the tooth fairy)she was running round the room like a chook with it head chopped off nuts nuts when the bus can i listened to shay’s ipod and went in to my own little world aka lolly land hehehehehhhehehehehhahahahahahahah ok still a little mad from Romana MM and Dodo

the mood, the girls and the birthday

today was a day with its ups and downs just like any other day. I guess the world was on my side because there were more ups than downs. well I’d better start with the mood, and the moodiness was coming from MM. he was in a foul mood he wouldn’t talk to anyone and as usual i was the only one worrying. he wouldn’t do anything that mr conner said. he was just looking to start a fight. he sat alone with a sad look on his face, so when lunch was on i broke away from my group in a way that said to them all i need to think, so i went up to MM and said to him what’s up and everything came flooding out. after that he was totally normal (not that there is 1 for him).

The girls. now here’s the moment that I think i just mend all of the school’s social problems for them (very tiring if you know what i mean) well lookalike and freckles had a problem so they were mad at smarty because smart used to be in their science group but had got kicked out. then smarty had been really mean to lookalike and freckles (or so i have heard i have my doubts) and when they have these sorts of problems they always come to me about it. they say they do because i’m a great listener and i understand where they’re coming from which i think is a complement (i think is the key word here). so i do my best to give them advice. i said that well don’t give her the satisfaction of a response just walk past with your head held high which i think it was pretty good advice and they stuck with it but now smarty is holding a grudge.

the birthday. well as you think this one doesn’t really have a problem (its a birthday of course there’s no downsides to that), ok so it was romana’s birthday and as usual i was the only 1 to remember. so i went up to her and said as you do happy birthday, then everybody said happy birthday in an oh my god voice which me and romana burst out laughing so there, just three little things about my day.

the white van

well I guess I better start with the white van it all started on a normal day in a normal place at a normal time (well like anyother story) on friday we were having dinner just like any other family then I saw a bright light coming up the driveway. I said there’s someone coming up the driveway in a very alert voice. me and big D looked down the driveway to see a white van not knowing who it was. me and big D went to take a look then we heard screams and i was thinking oh my god someone’s killing little H so we both ran to the noise but it was really a knock on the door of some very very old friends.

ok there’s an introduction now let me tell you about these old friends then we’ll go on with the story (i feel really old saying that).

ok so there were these people that lived across the road a couple of years ago (mentioning no names) and there were two boys and their mother. the boys were twins and they were known as the twins just the twins nothing else. There was no other pair of twins in the world just the twins. they were the best. they were like the rednecks and me and big D were the 10 year olds trying to become rednecks and they were teaching us. i swear i liked 1 of them but that’s another story (wow i’ll be as old as the earth in no time). we had our own little street gang. they were the best but then they moved away leaving some of their stuff with us.

ok now you know why they came back to the story (oh my poor back).

they said that they would bring the twins for a vist sometime so that’s what i’m thinking about today.

such as life

today is a weekend, a day meant for a break from work school and other things but today in a modern society everybody goes to work anyway how does that work and since i’m 10 i really can’t do anything (well i could go to the shops if i had money) and that just makes me feel small and dependent even though i’m the most independent person i know. sometimes i wish i could travle the world and live by my rules

i have been thinking about ned kelly a lot today and trying to figure out what he meant when he said such is life when he was about to be hanged. was it he was saying we’re all going to die some day or i had a good life so i don’t give a dam. i’m trying to see what i could use the phrase for. ms easy said he was saying we’re all going to die some day but i’m not one to follow advice of any sort. i guess the world has mysterys like that you can’t look at yourself throu other people’s eyes. i have always been scared of other people and what they think of me but just these few weeks i have learnt that the people i love will always be with me where ever i am

my world through my eyes

today wasn’t boring or exciting it was as you say interesting. i would do it again but i wouldn’t jump for joy although it wasn’t normal either. there was like a vibe in the air like you had forgotten something important it was rather depressing i don’t know why it was there. nothing went wrong but nothing really went to plan either and the entire morning i was just thinking about that but everybody was used to me being silent on the bus now so nobody bothered me while i was thinking this. i kept checking my bag but still knowing that i had everything.  i’m glad the vibe has gone away i guess it was just 1 of those days

at lunch the world was kinder normal but i could still feel my heart in my throat (very worrying)

in the middle session we all went down to the M.P.R  room and did some art. every thing was messy and i decided to stay in while recess was on so i could think about the mysterious vibe and it payed off in two ways i found out what the vibe was it was that i had forgotten my happiness and how lucky i was. and i got 1 hundred auction dollars i felt a lot better after that.

then we did sport. ms easy didn’t know the game we were playing so we had to explain it to her (and i thought she was teaching us). while we were playing i was sent off to get a pencil and paper for the scoring when i came back we had switched teams and i didn’t know which team i was on it was very confusing so i just turned into a ghost and climbed on some big poles then MM came over. he was apparently disqualified. i said very calmly to whats .up he said bob dylan had cheated and got him out so he had chased him around (joking of corse) but bob dylan knew this but still went to the teacher so MM was very angry with bob dylan. then on the bus he came up to me and said your boyfriend is a jerk you should have dumped him already. i was like what are you talking about then bob dylan came over to me and said what did he say then MM came over and he said i told her that your a jerk and that she should have dumped you a long time ago. then when shay got on me and her went to the back where the boys were arguing  then MM pounced on bob dylan and they both came up laughing their heads off. then we just talked until a kinder dodgy guy came on and we all fell silent and MM said hey like he knew the guy and who knew he did then he sat with this guy and then the man said that girly with short hair she’s a pretty one you should like a girl like that pretty and looks smart too but he said this in a sort of way that said i want you to hear this but i’m pretending i’m only telling 1 person. then when the man got off MM came up to us and said i had nothing to do with that in a way that said i really did then i got off to find the doors to my house were locked and i found a letter to  a guy named Paul which i found out was the lawn mover man and that is basically my life to now. my life through my eyes

i wonder if the world was perfect

today was a very distant for me i was kinder there and in other ways i wasn’t i was doing a lot of thinking but when thinking comes to me it can be deadly to myself a steam i was very worried about all sorts of things i really didn’t want to be thinking about practically the only two words i said on the bus were its complicated but even i don’t believe that i told dodo if she stopped talking to me i would tell her every thing at lunch and MM and bob dylan agreed that is the only way i was going to speak.the rest of the bus ride was completely silent. scary!!!!!!!!

we got into the classroom and i was immediately  relived that ms easy(because she can take a mistake) was doing to class i was like maybe we will be doing the excuses thing that was fun but when i heard that we were doing handwriting the whole class gave sigh but we are going to do that every  day in high school it is just a smaller version so really we may a well just enjoy it while it lasts then we did a maths test which i really mind that

lunch time then i really had to tell MM then he went and told brainy and runner i kinder thought he would do that then MM told all the people i told him to tell i manly told him first because he would understand best. and that was it.

in the middle session was basically went to plan except the kind of unusual talk with mr conner because we all thought he was going to talk about sex but he just talk about have showers we all took a sigh of relief at this moment of corse only the years fives and sixers were there in his office then me and the girls me dodo romana curly and lollypop  we all talked about romana and how she hadn’t had the talk and stuff and we were all like well you got us and we can make fun of any thing posilbel

it was libary time and we were all like reading exept me MM and runner just talking at the desk then i asked ms thoughtful if i could go to the bathroom and i kinder dordeled but in a good way and i kept thinking what if we were all happy tellitubies but then a green telli tubbi wanted to be blue so he declared war on the blue telli tubbis then eventwaly we would just end up back where we started so i geuss if you want the world to be perfect then stare in to a blank page its very easy.

then on the bus we went and after getting the worries of my chest i was laughing all the laughs i missed being depressed the bus was so fun MM was happy funny was happy bob dylan was happy and i was happy so what i learn’t today is that when you miss a laugh its like missing a beat of your heart so now i am happy and back to saying my random lines  just like “i like lolly pops.” and a special thank you for being a teacher ms easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!