a question many people ask themselves all day every day what to do when the world goes boom. what to do when you’re asked something and you come to a dead end in the answer. what to when you love the world but it still gives you bad luck. the answer is quite simple that i have come to and it is who wants to know or beats me ask someone else. who knew that was simple. the world is not so hard after all plus the world is not supposed to be easy and obvious that’s what makes it interesting.
Today I took four bus rides and life seemed pretty normal except it was pouring rain and you couldn’t see out of the windows there was so much steam.
The second bus ride was to the pool from school swimming lessons which we all weren’t that keen about mainly because it was wet and it was cold and we were all thinking I want to go home. So I just listened to We the King and zoned out as you do, but then I went completely deaf in all ears (I had no ear phones and i had it on top volume right next to my ear). I was rather surprised by this but I kind of looked around the cold bus filled with cold half naked kids screaming at each other and its a funny thing, when there is supposed to be sound and there is not any. Everybody was being everybody. Romana and Lotty were being well Romana and Lotty. M&M and Helly were being moody. Some people were being distant and quiet. Some were screaming and some were complaining as normal and I guess that is just amazing. Then my hearing came back and it stopped just like that.
On the third bus ride something important happened but I can’t remember what it was and I really can’t be bothered to clean out my memories box.
On the fourth I was moody and distant. Nobody was talking and we were all cold and tired and quite frankly not very good at all. So looking around the bus there was M&M but being me I thought that there was something wrong with M&M but I came to my senses and thought whenever I feel like this I think that there is something wrong with M&M it’s just me.
So that’s life etc. but really a day where a teleportation device would have come in handy.
bumpy unsteady ragged a road is something you can go along stick by follow i guess thats where life is a road and its taking me some places i never thought i would be comes from and i am going through some tough ground.
in high school i want to be the girl that looks after her self in an independent way i want to be the girl that stands out from the crowd i don’t want to be the needy teenage cheerleader i want to be the girl who reads in lunch time and walks and takes pleasure in class work and the odd interesting person thats me.
England england here we go agai.n i want to go to england so bad and every time i ask about it she just says that she doesn’t even know if she is going or ‘if i take you than big D will get offended’ but every time i walk away i think well she should just suck it up or well find out if you’re going already but i never have the courage to say it out loud if she says that she wouldn’t go.
anyway i have always been scared that the world would cave in on me if i did one thing wrong or i’m always thinking that people really hate me and they are just taking pity on me .
today was a day i liked which i think is a good thing well i’m pretty sure that everybody else thinks that too.
dodo was away from school today which made me kind of lonely but with my downfall yesterday i was still pretty cheery in the morning on the bus it was very normal but i wouldn’t know i was basically staring out the window the whole time. when school started we did old fashioned writing with ink and a pen with a cool tip. i was really good at it. the rest all i was thinking about was food and the twins, kind of day dreaming in a world of my own.
then it was lunch and that was lunch and practically all you do in lunch is run around and eat so nothing to say there except mini was still blue and walking round like a distracted ghost so all my friends left her alone while i tried to fix her up (poor little thing).
in the middle session nothing happened really, nothing happened except when we went out to practise sketching for our historical walk and the entire time everybody was thinking the sooner we do this the sooner we go to afternoon tea. except me, i was determined to finish my drawing whether it meant standing there the whole afternoon tea and it did and mum always told me when you’re sketching you can’t move because the picture might end up different so i stood in the same spot in the blazing sun.
in the last session we did sport. we got split in to girl and boy groups, first the girls did continuous cricket and the boys did backyard cricket. i didn’t get to bat in the entire game but in the first one romana got hit in the stomach with the really hard ball and had to have a sit down. after that we went to backyard cricket and mini was batter the whole time and about 4 mins before the bell she didn’t get out, but other girls were really mean to her because they were getting tired of bowling for mini and as soon as she got to her mum she burst in to tears and then nothing happened after that, farewell and good night to that day
you know when an evil guy kills your girl friend and you vow revenge and you try and try then give up and you bury your head in the sand every time he comes past well thats not how i feel but i wish it was because i can understand that, i can overcome that and i can live with that. i keep thinking that there is something to look forward to but then it disappears right in front of you then reappears 10 meters in front of you. you run it disappears again and again and again until you give up and it taunts you getting closer and closer but what ever you do you can’t get it
i feel lonely scared and slow i feel like a lonesome star with nobody to talk to even though there are lots of people around me its like they’re all ghosts