A better place, where is that mummy?

A better place. Yeah right!
You know that moment when a toddler asks where granny went and mum hopefully offers:
“She’s gone to a better place” Just hoping the toddler will leave it at that, well guess what, the first thing the toddler think is she’s gone to disneyland and will be back in a week or so.
Mostly a person grows out of the curiosity about death at about four years old. They come out with the view of death as a generally a bad thing to happen to you, or anyone you know and like. If it happens to anyone else you’re aloud to not care, unless this person was on .T.V, then you have to, unless it was a bad person. Man, I never realised that grieving had so many… rules. what if I want to feel sorry for some person I have never met, who happens to be on the other side of the
It’s hard enough getting along with the rules for every other situation, but when someone dies theres a full set of, extremely hard to understand, rules to help you through the process (more like hold you back).
Even worse everyone has their own spacial set of rules. Like how to act around a grieving mother or a grieving father. You to tell the mother that he/she was a kind, happy, easy going person, but your to tell the father that he/she was strong, but not stubborn, that he/she defended people with pride and never let anyone hold him/her back.

I must admit that an eleven year old thinking about death is kind of morbid, but I’m way to far into this blog post to back out now. Every time I think of it all the child hood questions comer rushing back. What happens after you die? Why do we die? Who is god? Does he live down the street, like auntie said? (My aunt really did say that god lives down the road)

What is with ‘gone to a better place’? I just don’t et it. When my goldfish died, my dad flushed it down the toilet and I really don’t see how the sewers can be a better place than his nice, clean glass bowl. Of corse you never know? There might be a secret city better than any place, with a hell of a lot of air freshener? Maybe.

Live wild people and don’t let the idea of death hold you back.

One comment

  1. becalbury · December 5, 2012

    These are big questions, discussed for centuries with lots of talk and libraries full of books, not morbid thoughts. One hint – it is not bodies that go to the ‘better place’, but spirits or souls. I think when people say that about a recently dead person to the living friends who are grieving what they are saying is , ‘at least she or he is not still in physical pain or still frightened and confused’ or in the case of the death of a child that the child will be spared some of the difficulties and confusions of life on earth. All of this implies that there is some form of life of the spirit after death. Many religions teach that there is – often there are two possible afterlife on earth experiences: a really pleasant one for good people and a very unpleasant or painful one for bad people. (This means that not everyone goes to a better place, of course and begs the question of the definitions of good and bad.)

    You are right about the unspoken rules, though. A difficult thing about grief is that it is so individual – there are no always right things to say to a grieving person, though there are some wrong ones. The wrong ones are things that seem to suggest that strong emotion is unnecessary in this situation and so the grieving person should just ‘get over it’. There is no way ‘over grief’ – only through it. Sure, that’s hard to watch for someone who is feeling something different, but once you accept that the only thing the watcher can do is be present – then you can be a witness to the power of important relationships in life. Meanwhile my advice to the watcher is to be kind, be polite, to practice small acts of self-sufficiency like getting up without needing to be reminded and keeping ones clothes in order so Mum or Dad can have the space to experience their grief.

    Grief demands a lot of energy – the grieving person has to change a lot of things about how they think about the world now that the dead person is not in the world.

    keep thinking and watching and learning

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