good and bad right and wrong along with everything in between

I did a large amount of thinking today as you might on a rainy monday evening. And I noticed something that I can’t believe I have been missing for all this time on this earth. It is quiet grand I think that our bodies do all these things without even having to consisiouly think about them. I mean just walking from one room to another. Right foot, left foot, smiling, blinking, breath out, breath in, somehow linking together into a tight knit of rhythm.
And people say they can’t multitask.
For a large amount of thinking this is a rather small blog post but nonetheless I will note this down into the universe just so that somebody knows thatI have been let into this particular secret.

Doing just fine thanks

It’s odd isn’t it. It’s odd how when I’m loud people tell me to be quiet and when I’m quiet people ask whats wrong. It’s odd how when I’m social I stop being me and become a stereotype but when I’m being not social I’m being antisocial and uncooperative.
How am I supposed to get that? I am an INTROVERT. I am perfectly capable at being social I just DON’T want to. Don’t get me wrong i like people I just don’t like them all the time.
My company is enough for me. When I come home from school I am not going to smile and sit with my sisters or whatever people do, I am going to sit in my room and think and plan and read and write and do what I do.
It’s like needing breathing space. I can’t breath right when I have to perform for people and most of the time I just down right refuse. Where some people have tv or friends (I do have friends and lots of them by the way) I have a hell of a load of books and a brain I enjoy using. That’s how I deal with who I am. It how I deal with stress or unhappiness. I don’t need to see anyone about it. I’m not going to talk it out, I’m not even going to try and fix it, because it doesn’t need to be fixed.
Sometimes it feels like I’m some defective robot, with all the disapproving glares I get you would think I have started taking drugs in my room or sneaking out at night or something like that. I don’t think the people around me understand how much that gets to me. My closest friends and family members are constantly trying to fix me. Dora tries to tell me how to dress on clothes I would rather impale myself on a rusty spike than where in public. I’m always getting hissed at by my best friend if I haven’t brushed my hair or I’ve said something wrong. My mothers is always giving me endless speeches on how I need to get out of my room more and how it will do me good and so on and so on.
But what people don’t get is that I don’t want to. I don’t want to get fixed. I get that I have a few things I could work on but on all else this is who I am and who I am cool with being.
Not mad.
Nor depressed.
Or antisocial.
Just need no to talk to anyone for a bit.
And that’s okay with me.
Deal. 😉