Half full half empty

A PE teacher once placed a half full/empty glass in front of me. She gave placed one on everyone else desks as well. She asked us whether it was half full or half empty. This was one of those high school self esteem classes that is basically the teacher saying the same statement over and over again. It was a ‘stare out the window’ class. Still, I tried my best to think about what my answer would be. We went around the class and everyone gave the same goddamned answer. Half full. Nobody wants to be the one with the negative attitude. And all the people with a negative attitude doesn’t want anyone to know let alone a chock-full-of-bad-sentiments PE teacher who is secretly just improvising.
Nonetheless I was curious about what would pop into my mind. So I stared at the cup and waited for something to happen. Nothing did. I was very disappointed. I tried to figure out why I didn’t regard the cup as half full or half empty as my turn to stand and give my answer got tauntingly close. I stared at it until finally I figured it out. The answer was actually very simple. I just didn’t care. It doesn’t matter whether it half full or half empty, you were still going to get the same amount of water in the end. So when it came to my turn, thats what I said. I said it didn’t matter and sat back down and let my audiences attention drift aimlessly to the person next to.
This is still my opinion. Though it had evolved beyond that primitive answer. I went on through out the day thinking about the question, once I had my answer. It’s such a overused question that everyone has their answer planned out in advance. You also have to take in the fact that as a thirteen year old that last people you’re going to tell the you are depressed or you find the cup half empty rather than half full. It is so frustrating, as a student, that most high school teachers assume that we, as their students, are just going to pour our hearts out.
Talking about depression in class.
Teacher:“Has anyone ever had an experience like this or is having an experience like this?”
Class: *Deathly silence* *swarm of death stares*
Teacher:“Okay. Moving on… here’s is something that happened to me that is completely different and will probably help you in no way whatsoever”
I honestly have a friend who is depressed. Real, not temporary depression. The type that makes you feel numb and shell like. The type that whispers in your ear telling you to do stuff to yourself that harms you in more ways than one. The type that eats you from the inside out.
This is how she explained it to me.
We were walking to the train station together with another friend of ours after school and suddenly she just said “I’m depressed” I remained silent as the other friend went through the natural “Why didn’t you tell us before?” speech. At the time I didn’t know much about depression. I knew that it was bad but not much more than that. Later I figured out that it went far deeper than ‘bad’. I am an upbeat, eternally positive person so before this experience with this friend I didn’t know what the word meant. I don’t think that it would be possible for me, myself to be depressed. I doubt I can even get sad. I can only lose my temper which is a whole new scenario.
I didn’t know why she was telling us, but she did and thus I decided that the best thing I could do was listen to her rant and occasionally cry on the train. Sometimes her days would get so bad that as soon as she got into our personal carriage that nobody ever gets on she would just burst into tears. It was heartbreaking but also brought on a new level of emotional strength for everyone involved.
Anyway I’m out of puff and I have homework to do, so just keep this in mind is all I ask of you in return for reading this.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s